Swish and flick off…

19 07 2009
Bam!!

Hormones... bam!!

POTTERBALLS

Been to see Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. So what’s the film like? Clue is in the title. It’s anaemic (yip, ‘half blood’… see what I did? Bam!!).

My god is it ever cold, opaque, colourless, vapid, dreary, oppressive. Heck, it’s just gosh darn anaemic.

But what with all the baddies crushing good guys, nubiles crushing lips with Ron (*eeuuhh*), Hermione perfecting her crush for Ron (*eeuuhh*), this should have been entertaining. Heck those hilarious hormones should have produced the odd laugh. I didn’t go looking for Porkies in capes (this is a children’s movie after all), but I did expect a bonfire of soaring emotion in place of oodles of dreary Victorian introspection.

This film should have been all about Snape. But like a cuckoo clock primed by quasar, he arrives absolutely on the button to tell everyone what time it is. He kinda pops out deus ex machina whenever the dizzy plot needs straightened up. Otherwise you’re left wondering: what’s eating Severus Snape?

Beautifully made but completely lifeless, only a crash team, insulin injections and a priest can save this overly indulged, over-engineered, deteriorating series from itself.

Just like that ancient evening spent in the company of Heather from Ballywalter (hi!), the Potter films are fixing for an expensive and floppy finale. What price the happy finish? Erm… so to speak.

PS. I haven’t read the books. So I’m not a disappointed fanatic. I’m just £25 lighter and none the wiser.

PPS. And sorry again Heather!!

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One response

22 07 2009
Shuffling Geisha

But Bob no!

I too went to see the latest Potter recently and although I didn’t like it all that much it was for entirely different reasons.

The film is beautifully made, some outstanding performances such as Helena Bonham Carter as Bellatrix Lestrange, Alan Rickman as Snape, yerman as Dumbledore and yerotherman as Slughorn the kids not quite on the same level of course but they are up against my deputy editor’s most hated word “legends”.

No my problem was it was simply too dark and scary for kids, far too scary – it gave me nightmares never mind the kids. The scene where Katie Bell is possessed after the cursed necklace, death eaters chasing the kids around the Weasley’s house in a creepy deserted swamp and thats before I even get started on the cave scene – shuffling geisha had to cover her 27-year-old eyes for that one.

The Potter brand is supposedly a childrens brand but as Rowling gets richer she seemed to get darker. They need to sort out whether they are a horror or childrens because shuffling geisha cannot take another such movie.

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