This is a blog about politics and media etc in Northern Ireland.
So, wanna have a guess what the top-rated search string was for people clicking on to this site?
Media? (I mean, c’mon!!)
Yip, that’s right… the top rated search string for people clicking onto this blog was:
Well, of course it was Sexy Back. The phrase Sexy Back guided people to this blog on 221 occasions. If any phrase defines this blog or me as a person, it must be the title of ol’ Justy Trousersnake’s greatest hit (I know, I just angered the Oxymoron gods. I’ll placate them later). Christ. How?
Then ‘Northern Ireland’ must be No2… nope, that was ‘Shrek donkey’ (59 times).
Then ‘Northern Ireland’ must be No3… nope, that was ‘Donkey Shrek’ (47 times).
Then ‘Northern Ireland’ must be No4… oh no, you guessed it, yip, that was ‘donkey from shrek’ (37 times).
And so on…
I mean how could ‘neck kissing tips’ bring people to this blog? How? Seriously! And why are there four people in the world currently running search strings for tips on kissing the neck? C’mon guys, too much research. All you need to know is there are two schools of sex advice.
- School of Thought No1: ‘Let a woman be woman and a man be a man.’ (And that came from the world’s featherweight champion of sex dwarves. When it comes to the nasty Prince is King, so to speak.)
- School of Thought No2: ‘Straight in no kissing.’ (That came from uncle Gerald. And that’s all I have to say about that.)
So guys, pick the first school of thought, or the second. But do not seek neck kissing advice from Bobballs, no good can come of it. (I suspect that two of you also used the search string ‘straight kissing’. Why is that different from gay kissing? Are you worried that if you screw up the straight kiss people will naturally assume you’re up for a sneaky gay kiss? If you’re that worried, be like Gerald and stop worrying. Now skat, don’t come back here again…)
And don’t even get me started on the 19 people who were directed here for information on ‘foreplay tips’.
And, you at the back, why did you use the term ‘Hugo Chavez gay’? WTF were you looking for? And how come there’s another person in the world who is also searching for the latest gay update on Hugo Chavez? There are two people in the world looking for the same thing and they came to my blog to find it. Ever seen the movie ‘Sliding Doors’? Guys, I wish I had your home addresses because you should be together. I want to make that introduction and get you two together because it is meant to be. I’m sad that I can’t do this – but I wish you both well and trust in Fate to bring you together.
However, I draw strength from the 37 people who came here to learn more about the Fidel ‘Fiddle’ Castro impersonator and Greek-born CIA stooge Alexis Papagos. The truth is out there my friends.
So, in conclusion, how many times were the terms ‘Northern Ireland’; ‘politics’; and ‘media’ used? How many? Mmmmm… Louder please? Erm…. Just missed that? Ehh… Wha?
One should never go against one’s readers, so I’m intending to reposition this blog as a Pandora’s box of information on sex tips for the neck and on Trousersnake’s musical oeuvre. Okay, these are two things in this life that I presently know next to nothing about but what the heck… Let’s do this!
PS. Actually, I’m sticking to the stuff I like. The rest of you dirty feckers can just find someone else to annoy. H’way aff! Shoo!
PPS. And Francess Burscough… I caught you googling yourself! Shh, don’t worry, that’s just between you, me and anyone with a passing interest in Shrek.