Confessions of an optimistic sub…

31 08 2009
Always look on the bright side of life...

Always look on the bright side of life...

The INM Group posts up a 15% dive in revenue; UK performs worst of all (18% fall); there’s a £40m half-year loss; assets disposal is continuing apace; and renegotiations with bondholders ongoing over loans.

Tricky stuff. Still, I’m sure the Belfast Telegraph headline writers will call it likes they sees it and not allow BT’s position within the INM stable of titles to cloud their judgment.

So here goes… The Belfast Telegraph thunders:

INM reports ‘comparatively resilient performance’ in challenging times

Oh. So everything’s actually fine then?

With headline writing like this, I wonder how history might have looked:

Ah, well. INM do good things, would be a shame to anything catastrophic like the loss of The Indo etc. Best wishes INM!

PS. I used to be that optimistic sub on business pages. There but for the grace of God…

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2 responses

31 08 2009
Shuffling Geisha

How about the boxing champ image of the Irish News after the last round of circulation figures showed some tiny increase in sales?

News Letter chiefs sent staff an e-mail last week which was the definition of double speak, along the lines of our amazing advertising staff have secured more revenue than ever before, onward to the year of victory … etc

This was followed up by a cunning new internet monitoring scheme whereby chiefs can spy on who is looking up what and no doubt use it for the next round of redundancies – like swooping on a reporter looking up Bebo page for a collect of a roadcrash victim is a criminal act … well perhaps, must consult my 2009 double speak dictionary or perhaps just throw in the towel and join the proles – if there is hope afterall, it lies in the proles!

1 09 2009
bobballs

Sorry i missed that irish news one. shame, sounds preposterous.

the ol’ Johnston Press switcheroo, you gotta love it. as you’ve already engaged in thought crime i dare say a visit to room 101 can’t too far behind. Best of luck with those rats!

incidentally paddy lennox has clearly unleashed the funniest joke in britain. http://memoirsofashufflinggeisha.blogspot.com/2009/08/did-ya-hear-that-one-about-hedgehog.html

genius!

But tequila!? *sucks air through teeth* *awkward silence* *tumbleweed blows over 1,000 nano-hamsters*

Erm… yeah, well, better go, er, wax my jugs. Or something… see ya!

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