Suuuurprise!!

15 04 2010

There are good surprises and bad surprises.

A good surprise might involve something like going out on the lash to celebrate your birthday, things getting a bit lairy, someone wheels in a gigantic birthday cake and…. SUUUURPRISE! Out pops a fruity young lady dressed as a cheerleader!

That would be a nice surprise.

(For me, the finest example of the ‘stripper in a cake’ surprise was Erika Eleniak in Steven Seagal’s seminal stabs-guy-in-the-head movie, ‘Under Seige’.)

But sometimes there are bad surprises. An example of a bad surprise might be some rabble-rouser popping up outta nowhere to make you look a prat in front your mates. For me, the finest example of that occurred during Tuesday’s plenary session at Stormont.

MLAs were in the Chamber to discuss the Horse Racing (Charges on Bookmakers) Order (Northern Ireland) 2010, when the following occurred:

Mr P Ramsey: In Britain, for example, that money is distributed in capital and revenue terms to horse racing and greyhound racing. However, in Northern Ireland, there is a difficulty whereby that money is not being distributed in capital or revenue at, for example, Ballyskeagh or the Brandywell track in Derry. Will the Minister explain that disparity in the redistribution of the bookmakers’ levy?

Mr McCarthy: I thank the Member. I know nothing about horse racing and even less about greyhound racing, but I am sure that the Minister will respond to that question. There is nothing further to say other than —

[SUUUURPRISE!!]

Mr Elliott: I will clarify for the Member: horses take part in horse racing, and dogs take part in greyhound racing.

Mr McCarthy: Thanks very much, although I did know that.

So to recap: Erika Eleniak represents a good surprise; Tom Elliott represents a bad surprise.

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